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Michael Phelps for Louis Vuitton ad campaign

American swimmer Michael Phelps goes shirtless and wears the new black speedos for Louis Vuitton latest ad campaign.

You can also see more shirtless hunks like him now.

  • Itskinda Phallic

    i am writing this
    letter to you as a matter of preserving gay rights, i am prepared to sue
    every college and high school that caters to the degradation of
    homosexuality, and i will say that gay people should feel slighted by
    “lady gaga” or any school or any organization telling young people that
    they were “born gay”. now, as a gay “man,” i feel slighted by the
    words, “you were born this way”. i will copy and paste a letter i gave
    to one of my teachers, in hopes that people start realizing “lady gaga”
    and her ilk as the homosexuality-disrespecters that they are. i am
    prepared to sue colleges, high schools, and every LGBT organization just
    for their trivialization of homosexuality (but really for the defense
    of homosexuality).

    newsflash: i am a masculivoid, gay “men” are masculivoids, we are
    semi-charmed kinds of “men” who should be on the inside but we are on
    the outside looking in. we are curious of the masculine gender not
    because we were inexplicably “born with” any comprehension of the
    masculine gender, but because of the way we have come to see and accept
    ourselves in relation to that masculine gender. Men, and i will
    capitalize, fulfill us psychologically and emotionally – Men fill the
    voids in our semi-charmed kinds of masculine lives. i will speak for
    myself when i say that by bigots telling me i was “born gay,” i feel
    robbed of the security i’m given when i look at big strong hairy
    superMen – and i feel robbed because what is implied is that there is no
    justifiable reason for the urgency i feel when confronted by a naked
    Man. i’m not some kind of mindless dullard who praises Men just because
    he’s “supposed to”. i know that i have plenty of emotional
    baggage/reason to praise Men. and this is a warning: unless we stop
    regarding ourselves as “robotic” or “born this way,” i fear nobody will
    embrace their homosexuality for what it is. and that will lead to
    gay-bashing ala matthew wayne shepard.

    i wasn’t born with any knowledge of myself or of the world around me, my
    name is not kreskin (though i doubt he was born with any of his
    knowledge). i praise Men because opposites attract. i praise Men
    because of the little (or GIGANTIC) eccentricities they possess (that i
    do not possess). i praise Men because i lack masculine gender-identity –
    there, i said it. i am overtaken with emotional question marks when i
    am surrounded by Men, i undress Men and remove what “covers” their flesh
    to finally “discover” masculinity. that is because, like ALL gay
    “men,” i am a masculivoid. also because “opposites attract,” which is
    what i learned from paula abdul in 1990.

    by telling me that i was “born gay,” you are insulting me and the gay
    “man” that i am. homosexuality is nothing physical, homosexuality
    cannot exist without a mind’s opinions to process visions of Men. when i
    look at Men, i am a little boy in a candy store, my mind is opened to
    the possibilities of finally experiencing manhood (something my own
    insufficient state-of-man does not let me fully experience). let me go
    through the insufficiencies that still plague me.

    insufficiency #1: hairy armpits. my armpits may not be smooth now, but
    they were for every day in gym class until i graduated high school. as
    early as the fourth grade, there was benny and there was keith and
    bradley. classmates’ armpit hair berated me every day i went to school.
    it really hurt my self-esteem, feeling so different from the
    “righteous boys”. to this day, a vision of hairy masculine armpits is
    something i embrace – for all those years, absence made my heart grow

    insufficiency #2: physical ability. i may be semi-muscular now, but i
    was not when i was in school. i was picked last for teams in gym class,
    i was skinny and weak and not up-to-par with benny and keith and
    bradley and the rest of the athletes who were nearly praised for being
    themselves. or for being “real boys”. i was peter pan, wanting so
    desperately to become a “real boy”. girls were picked for teams before i
    was, every day i heard what this was telling me: “you are not as good
    as the other boys, you are even weaker than some girls”. it really hurt
    my self-esteem, feeling so different from the “righteous boys”. to
    this day, my masculine interests lie with those big strong athletic

    insufficiency #3: self-image. the above insufficiencies are what led me
    to feeling “less than zero,” which was just one of the movies on cable
    when i was a boy that i recorded in order to get a glimpse of shirtless
    masculinity. i guess scenes from “cocoon” with hairy-chested steve
    guttenberg in the pool is what provided me with the one of the holiest
    experiences of my childhood. reverence and awe. it really hurt my
    self-esteem, feeling so left out and “less than zero”.

    as a fully grown gay “man,” gay male or gay person, i have come to
    accept the “less than zero” feelings of my youth – i embrace them. i
    embrace them because without them, i would not be the “man” i am today.
    i am apt to put “man” in quotes when describing myself and other gay
    “men,” simply because of that “less than zero” feeling that plagued me
    throughout my school days. i wrote a parody of third eye blind’s “i
    want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life
    (baby, baby)” as “i want something else to get me through this
    semi-charmed kind of mas (culine ‘xistence)” in honor of the reasons i
    am gay. and i don’t want any false kreskin telling me that there is no
    justifiable reason for the way i look to Men.

    there was an ad for a drug called “femimore” that was supposed to
    increase the size and voluptuous roundness of a female’s backside. i
    have never EVER been sexually attracted to the lesser gender – mainly
    because i was always skinny and weak and a masculine slight – but this
    female’s behind just made me wanna shoop. big and strong and round and
    firm behinds have been the epitome of “strong” to me, ever since i saw
    the blond standing in the nashville ymca whirlpool and showing off his
    backside to everyone in the sauna behind him. i was so turned on that i
    started being inappropriate enough with myself to hear the others in the
    sauna snickering. now, being that masculinity is seen as the stronger
    gender to anyone with any concept of gender (or the physical strength
    that testosterone is responsible for), it is only elemental that my
    seeing the “femimore” model’s voluptuous and strong-looking behind
    lended itself to my own sexual cravings for images of strength – which
    lends itself to the understanding that sexual arousal is something that
    must be cultivated or given a reason to be…rather than something that
    is pre-cultivated (or genetic). if i did not feel like a masculine
    slight as a boy, i wouldn’t be praising any perfect specimen of manly
    strength today. if i had no reason to regard physical strength and
    muscle as a big deal when i was young, if i did not desire to be more
    like the football jocks who everyone desired, i can certainly guarantee
    that an apathy of jocks wouldn’t have been cultivated into sexual desire
    for jocks. if i found no reason to let Men “turn my head,” to take a
    song by the group called LIVE, i’d have no reason to “turn my head”. if
    i did not regard myself as a “masculine insufficiency,” i would not be
    attracted to the “masculine sufficiency” known as the “real man”.

    i was approached by a police officer in pennsylvania years ago. being
    around him still puts me in an altered state of consciousness, he is the
    image of what my years on earth have deemed a “perfect specimen of
    manhood,” and it is not exactly pornography since he is always in
    uniform…but, like porn (and what i’ve read about meth), it is a
    dopamine release and it makes me feel so…high. some people suck
    crystal meth for the dopamine release (the crux of matthew shepard’s
    murder), some people suck Men (not the crux of matthew shepard’s
    murder), this is why i consider them both drugs.

    “lady gaga” is a false kreskin, gay rights organizations and public
    schools are false kreskins, they are doing damage to homosexuality with
    the words “born this way,” and i am fully prepared to sue them all for
    the degradation and trivialization of homosexuality.


    dj, LLC

    ps, i don’t think i mentioned my “traumatic brain-injury,” which was not
    a cause of the “less than zero” feeling i had, though it definitely
    added to what was already there. it is well-documented at (and through 600 song
    parodies and 2 1/2 screenplays, shirts, stickers and satire…but i
    don’t think i have to say how such a debilitating injury could further
    justify the need for a “real man”.


  • Anonymous

    you’re gay. get on with it!

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